It is challenging yet very exciting times
as our children mature and develop into independent, responsible adults. We have experience with life lessons, and for
most of us, our objective during this stage of our children’s evolution is to
lend a gentle hand of guidance and offer the security and support that they
still need, although apparently they may not perceive that to be the case.
They are entering life with their eyes wide
open and willing and able to grab hold of opportunities as well as take gambles
with relative ease. They will learn
valuable lessons because of this attitude.
In our opinion, our input as parents is to stand by them and offer objective
advice in a gentle fashion to guide them along their venture. They are open to everything although it may
not appear this way. Everything we say and do provide them with something of significance
even though they may seem reluctant to accept this.
It can be a difficult at times as a parent to
stand back yet support them with some of their undertakings knowing that this
adventure is going to be a challenging one.
It is wise to offer advice and then step back for a moment and allow
them to digest. Persistence on your part
only initiates rejection and aggression.
In many cases, at this age our children are head strong and will follow
their hearts and their own judgement (but remember we have had an influence in
the creation of this judgement). They will
advance in their own chosen direction regardless of our input, so we have to
know when to let go and have faith that our example over the years will be part
of their deciding factors. Have faith
that what we have taught them will surface and be second nature in their decision
making. If their decisions create
hurdles, these are lessons that will carry them forward in life. These are the lessons that will not be soon
forgotten and will help with their growth and maturity.
As far as assistance and we are primarily
speaking of financial assistance right now, it is important to teach them
financial responsibility. The lessons of
“no” early in life help them to be able to say no to themselves when trying to
budget later in life. We as parents want
the best for our children and some parents feel that by giving their children
everything they request materially, somehow they are assisting in making their
children happy. Do “things” truly make
us happy?
There is nothing wrong with helping our
children when they are struggling. Hopefully
they are mature enough to use our assistance in appropriate ways. If they acknowledge that we have provided them
with assistance that stems from the heart and can assist them not only
financially but through providing guidance
and support to ease their burdens then our assistance has fallen into the right
hands.
On the contrary, if they waste these
opportunity and squander our efforts then you will know better when the next
time arrives, as undoubtedly it will. The
expression “easy come, easy go” certainly has merit.
How do you feel when you have worked hard
and accomplished a goal that you have set for yourself? These accomplishments build character and
belief in self. Do you want your
children to be able to experience fulfilment through reaching their goals and
accomplishments? Is it right that we
take these opportunities away from our children?
There is a fine line between assisting our
children and stealing their self worth.
When these young individuals meet up with
life’s challenges which you know they will, the best we can do is offer our
emotional support and guidance and then stick with them through thick and thin
regardless of their decision. They need
support during these trying times and we are well equipped to assist them in
this manner. We love them
unconditionally. When they make mistakes
and take what we consider wrong turns in life, they need to know we are always
there, but we also have to keep in mind that all things happen for a reason. Their lessons in life are invaluable and are
often in their best interest in the long run.
There comes a time that we have to
recognize that it is time to allow their personalities to bloom and to let them
stand on their own two feet. We have to
have faith in their ability, to stand back and let them take life by the horns and
run with it. Being a parent and offering
loving support never ends. They have to
know that they can always depend on us for this type of support.
Whatever you were missing in your youth has
taught you and helped you to grow. We
have learned our mature insight and worldly education through each lesson we
have experienced in life. We have all
walked similar roads just as our maturing children are now venturing down. Have faith in their abilities and do not
stagnate their growth.
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